have courage and be kind

I still have a few more days to go, but till now this holiday had been amazing!
I did things I've never done before and made a lot of new friends.
The fun thing is, a few months ago I would've never thought my life would look like this now. I didn't have many friends and thinking about hanging out with like 15 people I didn't really know scared me like hell. And even on the dayitself I was scared. What if they didn't like me, or what if they ignored me because they didn't really know me, just like I didn't really know them?

But remember:
If you don't try, you don't know. They were so lovely and within an hour I felt like a part of their group. It was like the first time in forever I could make friends by just being there and just being me.

You don't have to change to fit in. I know it won't be that easy always and I was really lucky these people asked me to hang out with them and wanted to get to know me better. But if you meet the right humans, with the right hearts, you will know. They can make you happy every minute you spent with them.

"Have courage and be kind. For where there is kindness there is goodness, and where there is goodness there is MAGIC."

New friends

At the beginning of the schoolyear I made a friend. The girl was new on my school and all the friends I had were gone, so I thought it was time for some new friends. And what is a better start than someone who doesn't know anyone? In a few days we became friends. But something in my head said there was something wrong with her. I just shove it to the back of my head, it was probably nothing important. 

But than, a week later, she texted me. She told me she was going back to her old school. That wasn't a big shock for me. I was never good in making friends and when I make them, things like this happen.

But it was still weird, she came here with a reason and why would she go back a WEEK after she came? The only thing to get an answer was ask her. Her answer was that she just didn't like the school. 

Maybe it was because of me, maybe she didn't like me and I scared her of or somehting. And like that my thoughts went darker and darker. 

I thought I was going to be lonely in school, so I didn't want to go anymore. But I had to. 

I had only 2 classes where I would sit alone, because she wasn't in the rest of my classes. But still, 2 was 2 too much. In breaks I went to other friends, they asked how it was without that girl.

That was the moment I realized. I have do have friends. I only knew that girl for one week and there is enough time to make new friends, even if they already have friends. Not everyone you meet is going to be your friend and that's okay, as long as you don't blame yourself if they go their own way.

Be you

It's hard to be yourself all the time. People judge too fast. When I go shopping, one thing I think about before buying that cute shirt is 'Do people like this, or think it is weird'. Honestly? I wish I wouldn't do that. I wish that I can just wear whatever I think is cute and not to care what other people think. But that is hard, because if you dare to wear something a bit more strange than the usual, I always think everyone is staring and judging me. Today I wore a croptop and I kept thinking about what people thought about and if they liked it or not. Most of the time I wear a big shirt and a pair of jeans, but sometimes I just want to change it up a bit and dare to do someting else, something more me.

Being myself isn't always easy, but I try as hard as I can. I'm not 'just I a girl'. I'm me and I don't want to be anything else. Nobody can be you better than yourself, remember that.

Try to be the best you you can today. Dare to be you.

Friendship

Making a new start is always scary. Going to a new school, with new classmates. You care so much about what they think of you that you sometimes forget to be who you want to be. You try to fit in. This can be a good thing, but if you have to remember who you are. And you have to know that nog everything is going to be easy. Some things don't to the way you want them to go. I am really bad at making new friends. And if I finaly think I made a friend, after a long or a short time they go away. I don't know if  that is because of me or because of something else, but it still hurts. This schoolyear I got a new class and I became friends with this girl, but today she told me that she thought abput going back to her old school. And now I am going to be all alone again. Yes, I have some friends. But they have their friends and I don't know if those people like me and I'm socially awkward so it will be very awkward. But don't they say it will aways be okay? That after every down there will be an up? I hope so, I can use some positiviy in my life.